I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
