i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As shirtless as possible
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
