I don't remember. Are we still dating?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
