I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
