We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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