I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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