My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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