Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
