I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
