the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
