just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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