i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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