every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
