Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
