Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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