I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
