I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better