Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas