he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
