Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.