There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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