I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
