Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
