so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
