I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
