Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
