dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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