You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
