Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize