i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
two words: eviction party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
