I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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