I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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