his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
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just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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