I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
