I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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