We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
