A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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