You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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