You work out of a Hotel?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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