do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
