Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
