Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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