am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
