R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
