Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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