WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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