My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm having to shit out rocks
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
