I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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