Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
