It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are the jesus of drinking
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
