you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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