I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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