Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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