Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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