My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
