i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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