What a fucking waste of an outfit
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's like iHOP with fire
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
