I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
