Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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