Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
