singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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