we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
