I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
