Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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