took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
