Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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