Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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