i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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