And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
