after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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