Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
