You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
