Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
