I wish life had little blips of pornography
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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