yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
