I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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