Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
