I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
someone owes me an orgasm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
